Another chapter is done! I’m very close to the end. I don’t know how long the final battle will take to write but it’s just around the corner.

But it’s back to school tomorrow, so that will take priority. And I still have to see how to fix the light in my ceiling… I really don’t know how to put the new bracket in!

That’s all for now. I’m going to practice a bit before bed. Also I should eat, but there’s nothing I want to eat. : P

Chapter 13

The light continued spreading until it was too bright for even Illinia’s elven eyes to see anything and she, too, collapsed to the floor, overwhelmed.
When the light faded, the fortress was eerily silent. The Drow lay unmoving.
Michael cautiously moved forward and prodded one, then knelt to inspect him. “They’re dead.”
“What?” Illinia asked, shocked. “What happened?”
He glared at her, possibly out of reflex. “Wouldn’t you know better than anyone?”
She looked confused. “I…I don’t know what I did!” She looked around; Kaisten was still alive, unskewered, looking at her with awe. “Don’t look at me like that! I didn’t- I didn’t do that on purpose!”
Kip laughed as he bent to give her a hand up. “Now, now, don’t be that way. You saved us all. Why do you think Lusiel was so confident the whole battle?”
Illinia stared up at the taller elf. “B-but you can’t count on me if I don’t even know what I’m doing! If I knew what I was doing, I would have stopped them all from getting inside! How many friends and allies did y- did we lose?”
Siasara was there beside her. “Many, but we can recover from this. We still hold the keep, and they lost several armies today.”
Lusiel was commander-ing on the other side of the room, calling orders. Some of them sounded like preparations for a memorial – and a celebration. Kip nodded in agreement with Siasara. “You will learn to control this incredible power inside you, even without this room. You just to know how to get it going. In this case, it was to save Kaisten!”
“But it… what if it never comes out?” Illinia said and wrung her hands. “I’m not a great heroine! I don’t know how to tap into this… this power, and anyway the power comes from this room! Why won’t you believe me? I keep telling you all!”
Kip laughed again. “It is getting a little repetitive, but don’t worry. You’ll figure it out. Have a little confidence, won’t you?”
Illinia nodded mutely.

The next few days were very busy. She was learning the castle and the people in it, or at least the people who survived. More people showed up after a couple days, in response to a message Lusiel sent with Kaisten somewhere. She tried to learn more of strategy, and Lusiel and Michael were very patient with her. After much hesitation and encouragement from her advisors, she chose a plan of action for her new army.
In daily life she pitched in with a will, feeling that was something she could do with confidence, at least.
But when Lusiel led the army out to battle over the next few months, and she stood beside him with Michael, she felt again the same dreadful performance anxiety she had felt the first time. Fortunately for her and her army, they relied not on her but on conventional tactics. She used what magic she could, but she still had no idea what she had done, not even with Kip’s help.
They won more than they lost, even she could see that. But with every win came deaths, and with every loss, infrequent as they were, even more deaths.
Lusiel and the others seemed encouraged, though, and were encouraging. And she knew that in a war people would die; one couldn’t win all battles. She knew enough to know that this war would not be stopped until one side was entirely defeated.
So as her soldiers heartened to see her in her new scarlet dress at their head, bow on her back and sword at her side, new golden armour sheathing her body, black hair streaming back from her pretty sad face, she tried to hearten to the fact that they were winning the local part of the war.
She took none of the credit for the actual victories – even when Lusiel was busy with his own duties, Michael did most of the planning, and in the battles, she fought hard, but Jaye was the real leader of the frontlines.
After two months, Kaisten entered the office to report with great excitement that the whole garrison was being moved to a bigger castle. Lusiel cheered, Siasara clapped, Jaye nodded, Kip grinned, and even Michael cracked a slight smile. Then things became busier than ever. Packing a whole castle and moving to another one was more complicated than she thought it would be.
The new castle was beautiful; tall white spires surrounded by strong white walls. She had third-floor room looking out onto a garden in the courtyard, but she wasn’t in it much. She didn’t have much time for sleeping anymore.
She also didn’t have much time to simply talk to Michael anymore. He was still mixing up his appearance, but no one seemed to notice too much except for those who already knew what he was. He didn’t seem to be relaxing at all, which worried her, considering the time that had passed. But he never made a move to hurt or betray anyone, even her; nothing untoward had happened with him, and so she plodded on, promising herself that as soon as she didn’t feel so tired she would try to get him to unwind.
Then one night even rest became forgotten.
She was meditating on the balcony, smelling the summer night air and dreaming about her husband.
There was a low call from behind her, in the room. Someone had stepped through the door. “My… my lady?”
She whirled, for the voice was rather familiar, but not quite – and the words were not those she would associate with the voice. And also there was a person in her room. “Y-yes?”
“It is you!” the strange elf came forward into the moonlight – and suddenly he was not strange at all.
With a strangled cry she sprang forward lightly and into his arms, for her husband stood before her. He stood quietly, holding her close to him, warm arms she had only dared to dream around her again.
She looked up at him, at his strong, beautiful face, his keen blue eyes, his dark brows… her hand reached up and traced his face, and he smiled tenderly. His golden hair shone white in the moonlight as he leaned down and gently kissed her cheek, and she clung to him tighter.
She had no words, and it was almost a good thing, because he suddenly caught her mouth hungrily.
There were no thoughts in her mind for the next few minutes, and when they parted she had to catch her breath. He hardly ever kissed her like that, but after being apart so long she wasn’t complaining. Then she felt a little guilty – some couples, elven or not, didn’t even have the chance that she had now, or had been apart much longer.
“What are you doing here?” he breathed in her ear, and she shivered delightedly.
“I… I came looking for you!” she answered. “I couldn’t wait for you… Please forgive me! But I was so sick at heart… While I could act, I had to…”
“Tell me about it?” he said, leading her back to her seat on the balcony and sitting beside her.
She thought for a while, putting her memories of the last two years in order. “I asked a shipbuilder to build me a boat, and then I sailed away… earlier than I planned to, because soldiers of Gondor came and King Eldarion wanted to make me stay safe, and so did Hano… but I wanted to find you so much I ran away from them. So I was greatly underprepared, but I came to an island and there I met Valiensin, and he told me he had seen you! And so I must call you Mith’las for now. And he gave me a travelling name, so you must call me Illinia! It means the same thing as Esgalwen, but it is in his language. Then I sailed to this land, and I was with Valiensin and his friend Tharash. You must have gotten here through one of Tharash’s rifts, right? That’s how Valiensin came to Middle Earth, and how I came here from Middle Earth, because they do not exist in the same world.” She looked up at him questioningly, and he nodded understandingly, so she went on.
“I came here and looked for you… Only one person had seen you at all for certain, but it was… a couple years ago now, I suppose. Well, Valiensin and Tharash went away on their own business, and I met a group of adventurers named Torrigan, Mira, and Kellan, and I went about with them, helping people in need. I know it delayed me, but I couldn’t let people suffer…”
“I don’t know those people,” he said. “Are they here with you?”
“No,” she said, and her face fell. “No, I left them. You see, we took some prisoners… Shapeshifters, and one of them helped us defeat a demon… so I wanted to let them go, but the others said no. So I let him go, at least, and then they were angry… and I ran away…” She began to weep, just a little, and he stroked her back like he always did.
After a moment, she looked up again. “I’m sorry. They were my friends, but I had to do what I thought was right…”
“I’m glad you did,” he said, with a little smile, and she mirrored it.
“Then so am I. But then I travelled north, and Michael – the shapeshifter I freed – found me and came with me, and he… well, he brought me to a keep full of Dark Elves and there I was a prisoner for several months…”
“And you’re still alive?”
“He protected me,” she said, and was slightly confused by a twitch at the corner of his mouth. “And just when it became unbearable, Lusiel and Siasara and Jaye rescued me. They brought Michael, too, and they’ve been very understanding about him. Except… there was a part where… Um, anyway, they think I’m some kind of saviour, and so they put me in charge of their army… and now I’m in charge of a bigger army… and I’m worried that it’s going to go until I’m the head of all these elven armies fighting against some villain… Mith’las, I don’t want to be in charge of an army!”
“You have- You do look very tired,” he said, stroking her face. “They are overworking you. But I have a couple questions…”
“Yes?”
“You seem protective of this double-dealing shapeshifter…”
“He’s not bad,” she insisted. “Just no one trusts shapeshifters. And that’s sad. He’s been good to me, really, and I couldn’t do anything with this army without him… He’s very smart and does all the tactics and planning.”
“He hasn’t… replaced me, has he…?”
“Oh! No!” and she buried her face in his chest. “No! Never! You are still everything I live for.”
“Speaking of that,” he went on, rather mercilessly, “isn’t the saviour of these elves called the Twice-Born? You… didn’t die, did you?”
She flushed dark red in shame and embarrassment. “I-I did. An evil person tore my life out. But my friends were able to bring me back right away.” She withdrew into herself. “I’m so sorry… So sorry… Please forgive me!”
He was silent a moment, a long moment.
“You’re here, and that’s all that matters,” he said at last, and held her close, pulling her out of her shell, stroking her hair. She melted against him gratefully.
Then he was kissing her, and kissing her passionately, as if he would never stop. Her mind was completely blank, and when they parted, she had to stifle a giggle.
“Not too loud,” she whispered to him, “or we’ll wake Michael – he’s sleeping in one of those rooms.”
“I have no worries,” he answered, and kissed her again.
After about half an hour of this delightful activity, he stood, reluctantly. “I have to go.”
“But where?” her face fell, anxious. “Where have you been? Why can’t you stay?”
“I am on a mission,” he said. “I am also fighting Lord Terinor. I could only take these few minutes to visit you. But I will come when I can!”
“A mission?”
“A secret mission. I can’t tell you. To do so would only put you in danger. I must go now, before I am discovered.”
“Yes! Of course. Oh, Mith’las… I am so happy you came. I have nothing more to wish for, now that I know you are safe.”
The corner of his mouth quirked again, but before she could comment on it, he stooped and kissed her one more time, and then released her, walking swiftly to the door and disappearing.
She fell in a happy swoon across the ledge where they had been sitting.

The morning found her still there, and as the sun peeked over the mountains, she sprang up and ran to the kitchens for breakfast.
She found Michael there, nursing a large mug of coffee, long red hair (today) almost falling in it. “My, you’re up early!”
“Did you have a visitor last night?” he mumbled grumpily into his mug.
“Ah… yes, I did.” Her face split in a beaming smile. “My husband! I’m so happy!” Her look turned slightly anxious. “We didn’t wake you, did we?”
“You did,” he said. “Whispering at all hours of the night. I’m happy for you except not really at all.”
She couldn’t help giggling, but sobered. “I’m sorry. If he returns – When he returns, we shall go somewhere else. I know you need your sleep more than anyone… you work so hard…”
He grunted noncommitally.
She couldn’t help it – she chattered softly but happily to him about her husband, how beautiful he was, how gentle he was, how brave he was, what he had said to her… At length, her enthusiasm seemed to amuse him and he snorted a smile into his coffee.
Halfway through her babblings, Jaye came in, also bearing a cup of coffee. He watched her, a gentle smile on his face, then came to sit beside her.
“You are speaking of someone you love?” he asked.
“Yes! My husband visited me last night!”
Jaye frowned, startled. “How- how did he get in? How did he know you were here? Where is he now?”
She blinked at him. “I… I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. He said he was on a mission… against… Lord Terinor? But he… well, I think he came in through the door… and I just assumed he knew I was here because he is intelligent and found out somehow.”
Jaye rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Well, I still wonder… Perhaps the guards here know him. Maybe I’ll ask around later. But not now… I’m not done my coffee yet.”
She pouted a little. “I have to confess… It might have been a dream… but it felt so real! But it’s… it does feel like a dream.”
Jaye looked more closely at her. “You do look tired. If it turns out that was the case, you might be worrying too much… or possibly having visions.”
Her eyes grew round. “I was never one for having visions…”
“Stella’s been bothering me about going out for a picnic…” He grimaced a little. “In the middle of a war… But anyway, if we can arrange that, would you like to join us?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “That would be lovely.”
“Commander Jaye!!” Kaisten appeared at the door of the kitchen. “Lord Lusiel requests you right away!”
Jaye rolled his eyes. “It’s always right away. All right, I’m coming.” He tossed off the last of his coffee. “I’ll talk to you later, you two.”
Illinia turned back to Michael. “Do you think it was a dream?”
“Why are you asking me?” he said, somewhat more sharply than usual. “What do I care?”
She wondered if she had struck a nerve. If he was in love with her, this would be very upsetting to him. So she became quiet again, though she couldn’t help from occasionally smiling.
Kaisten returned. “Lady Illin- Errrrr Illinia, and ummmm Michael, Lord Lusiel requests you right away!”
“Oh! Yes, of course!” she said, flustered. The scout had not yet gotten used to calling her by name without an honorific, and she had not yet gotten used to being called to planning sessions.
Michael followed after, shoulders slouched.

It went on like that for many months – battles, strategy, and planning wore her out during the day… but sometimes, just sometimes, a breath of hope would come to her in the depths of the night. Either Jaye had forgotten to inquire or what he had discovered had satisfied him; Illinia knew neither nor cared.
She tried not to rejoice too overtly around Michael, but it was difficult, and she knew that he could see right through her. But to her surprise, he seemed as impassive as ever, indifferent as to whether she showed up to meetings with shadows under her eyes or not.
But one day, when the winter snows were again melting into spring, she supposed he’d had enough. Or- she really didn’t know! What did it mean if he asked after her true name?
“I can’t tell you,” she answered patiently.
“All right, what’s his name?”
“I can’t tell you that either.”
“Why not?”
“Because… it would be dangerous for him.”
“You said that before. How would it be dangerous?”
“He is being pursued… I don’t know by who, or why, but Valiensin, my teacher, told me that we must change our names because it would make it more difficult to find him.” She sipped some tea thoughtfully. “I suppose it’s this Lord Terinor, although… I think he changed his name before he came to this world.”
“Did he say it was dangerous?”
“I… well, no, but he never objected when I called him by his new name.”
“What did… he change his name to?”
“Mith’las.”
“Mith’las and Illinia.” He thought about that a while. “Those are no sort of elvish names I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a few since before I came here.” He smiled mirthlessly. “You would not approve of how I heard them, I think. But what was your name before?”
“Michael…”
“Tell me now!”
She stared at him. “What if someone is listening?”
“Ah, so you don’t trust me with that?”
“Only because I trust my husband with everything I am and more. His safety is more important to me than anything else in the world.”
“Would you tell… for this?” and he swung out something small and silver. Her locket.
She gasped. “How did you get that??”
“Oh… I have my ways.”
“Do you have anything else of mine?”
“Don’t lie, this is the most precious thing you own. I’ve seen you look at it, touch it when you think I’m not looking. That short, prec- That short week we travelled together. What would you give me for this?” His smile was taunting. “Would you give me your name?”
“…Esgalwen.”
“Esgalwen… What a bizarre name.”
“It means Hidden Maiden,” she volunteered.
“And what about his name?”
She paused. Did she really need the locket, now that her husband was able to visit her?
He raised an eyebrow, clearly guessing her thoughts. “If you don’t tell me, not only will I not give this to you, but I’ll do everything in my power to interrupt all your lovey-dovey moments. Just tell me.”
When she stayed silent, he pressed further, his voice low and persuasive. “How can hiding his name protect him from all harm? And what danger do you place him in if you tell me? You are not going to place your trust in child’s fears, are you? And your teacher – what did he know? I know you trust him, but how do you know his fears were grounded?”
She broke down – she had nothing to fear from him, did she? – and told him the true name of her husband, the one that was more precious to her than any other name in all the worlds. Except perhaps Eru.
As she leaned forward and put her face in her hands, leaning her elbows on the table, he rose and walked behind her, clasping the chain of the locket around her neck. “Thank you,” he said, and turned to go.
“Wait!” she said. “How did you get this?”
He hesitated. “Remember that last battle, and the captain who was so hard to defeat?”
“Yes…?”
“He was carrying it. I think he knew what it was.” He gave her an unhappy smile and left.
After a few minutes, she finished her tea and followed him.
Their heads were bent together over the map on the desk, Michael puzzling out the likelihood of ambushes in mountain passes, and she arguing that maybe they didn’t have to go through the pass at all, when there was a knock at the door.
“Yes?” said Michael, looking up. She humphed and kept poking the map.
An elf captain put her head in, silver-blonde hair swaying from the movement. “Visitors for Linny.” Her name was Eliara, and she was one of the captains who had served at this castle before Illinia had come. Cheerful and confident, if a little wild, she had earned their respect quickly and was head of the outer patrols.
Illinia looked up at the stupid nickname Kip had given her two months ago, and also at the strangeness of having visitors. “Who…?”
“Wait, Illinia?” came a strident cry, and Mira was pushing into the room past the captain, beaming, followed closely by Kellan. Torrigan was waiting patiently behind Kip, but as soon as Eliara moved aside, he also entered, smiling broadly.
Mira flung herself – full armour and all – at Illinia and gave her a huge hug. “Illinia! Holy kittens, it is you!”
“Ehhhhhh?” Illinia squeaked, with the air crushed out of her.
“Huh,” said Kellan, seeming impressed in spite of himself.
“Illinia!” Torrigan said, once Mira released her. “It’s good to see you!” And he also gave her a hug, but more restrained than Mira’s had been.
“Well, she’s definitely not a man,” Kellan said.
“What?” Illinia asked, completely at sea as to everything.
Mira rolled her eyes and swatted at Kellan. “All right, let’s start from the beginning.”
“Do you want to sit down?” Illinia said.
“No, that’s all right!” the cleric answered. “We’ve been sitting all day. Riding. Not the same thing, but I want to stand right now. You’ll want to sit down, though!”
“After you left, we continued on our way,” Torrigan said. “We got sidetracked assisting a village in dealing with some swamp monsters and the sonomancers who controlled them… and then we had to fight another demon, to rescue a damsel on behalf of a wounded knight-“
“The hard part was getting him to stay put while we dealt with it,” Mira interjected.
“And we helped the Prince of Talking Dogs and the Princess of Talking Cats come to a mutually agreeable alliance… Did we do much else?”
“Not really,” Kellan said. “I ate a lot…”
“That’s not news,” Mira said. “So then we were hearing all the time about this amazing elf hero… and we decided to pay him a visit… except that it turned out to be you I guess! That’s pretty amazing! You must have been having some adventures!”
“I… I suppose,” Illinia answered, flustered.
“Is it true?” Mira asked, leaning forward. “You defeated an entire ARMY of Drow with a well-placed light spell?”
“Ummm… You’ll have to ask Kip. But yes, I think so…? It was an accident, though… It wasn’t on purpose… I couldn’t do it again…”
“How typical,” Kellan muttered.
Mira shushed him with a wave of the hand. “That’s still pretty awesome. So, tell us!”
“Tell you… what I’ve been doing?” Beside her, Michael turned to go. “Oh, you must be bored. I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to you later!”
“Why don’t,” he said, turning in the doorway, “you all go down to the garden, and let me keep planning?”
“Oh! Of course,” she said, rising. “That’s a really good idea.”
“Who’s he?” Mira asked curiously.
“The tactician,” Illinia answered reluctantly. “I’m supposed to be in charge, but I really don’t know how strategy works, so he helps.”
“What’s his name?”
“I’ll introduce you at dinner,” Illinia said, desperately trying to forestall their moment of recognition.
But fortunately, Mira subsided. Illinia prayed to herself that Michael was a common enough name that her friends wouldn’t recognize the shapeshifter. Oh, and he would have to stop changing faces every day…
But they would find out sooner rather than later, she knew. Even if most of the castle didn’t know, it would come out… If she asked Lusiel and the others not to tell her friends about him, they would know something was wrong. She couldn’t do that.
She would deal with their distrust later, though. For now, she just tried to enjoy the fact that she was with old friends.
They went to the garden, and she told them a little, leaving out the part where the shapeshifter had found her, betrayed her, imprisoned her, and scarred her, and just said that she had been captured by Drow while travelling north, and then had been rescued by Lusiel. Mira asked to see some of the fading scars, and they all made sympathetic noises. Torrigan smiled when he heard how Harken Keep had fallen, and Kellan listened with interest as she told them how Kip made animals stampede at the first great siege.
She told them about her husband, and Mira giggled incessantly. That distracted them all for a good hour or two, and then it was time for dinner.
She introduced them to Lusiel and Siasara and Jaye and Stella and Kip and Kaisten at supper; Eliara they already knew. Michael was not there.
“He must be busy,” she said reflectively, and saw Kip turn towards her briefly with a question in his eye, but she looked away and he did not pursue it. The mage seemed to know what she was feeling more often than not anyway.
“What’s his name, anyway?” Mira asked, elbowing Illinia in the side.
“Why do you want to know?” Illinia asked, taking the teasing surprisingly in stride. “What happened to David?”
Mira sighed dreamily and put her head on her hand. “As far as I know, he still likes me! But I last saw him three months ago, so who knows? If this tactician guy likes me… hahaha… So, c’mon, what’s his name?”
“My name,” said the man, “is Michael.” He strode through the hall to his place opposite Illinia, dark outer robe billowing, inner layers clinging to his body. He glowered at the three heroes through a dark veil of long hair. “So if you are going to kill me, do it now, quickly. Or you can do it when we defeat Terinor, I don’t care.”
“Michael?” Mira asked in a puzzled voice.
“I don’t… Oh.” Torrigan sounded puzzled, but then his voice grew hard.
Kellan didn’t waste time with words but sprang up and drew his sword.
“Whoa, whoa hey!” Lusiel shouted, springing up from his place at the table; Illinia had also risen to protect her friend, but Lusiel was faster at intercepting Kellan. “What are you doing?”
“He’s a shapeshifter!” Kellan growled.
“He is a criminal,” Torrigan said firmly, though he had not yet moved. “Why is he here, Illinia?”
Mira had not moved either, staring open-mouthed in shock.
Illinia tried to collect her thoughts. “He’s here because he’s not a bad person.”
“Lies!” shouted Kellan, trying to get past Lusiel.
“Wait!” she said. “Please sit down, Kellan. Listen to me!”
“I’m listening. But he said we should kill him.”
“He says that a lot. Please, sit down and listen.”
A small crowd had gathered; few had known about Michael’s true identity except those who worked with him on a daily basis.
Lusiel took on damage control. “Go back to your dinners. This is all a misunderstanding.” If all the elves found out about Michael, he wouldn’t be safe for an hour. There were a lot of prideful elves, ambitious elves, haughty elves, in the army, who would have loved nothing more than to take down a perceived evil-doer, a hated enemy, particularly one that was easy prey. Even more than that, if the enemy found out, he would be a particular target for them.
The corner of Michael’s mouth turned up sardonically, but he said nothing.
Kellan sheathed his rapier with a click and sat down slowly, still glaring at Michael. “All right. I’m sitting down, and I’m listening. Start talking.”
Illinia looked around at the elves all sitting nearby, quietly eating again, and wondered if they could hear.
“I know you didn’t like him… Er… I know we were on different sides when we met,” she began haltingly. “But things have changed! He’s been with me for more than a year, and not once has he tried to hurt anyone.”
“In the last year,” Michael put in, smirking.
“He’s still dark and bitter, sarcastic and contrary, and enjoys pointing out how little I ought to trust him,” she acknowledged with a shy smile at the man. “But he has helped us more than I can say, and he has protected me in battle many times.” She looked again at her friends. “If he wanted to hurt anyone, he would have to go through me, and he knows it. If anyone wants to hurt him, they are also going to have to go through me. I won’t let him get hurt if I can help it.”
“And the people here are all right with that?” Kellan asked suspiciously.
“Yes,” Illinia said. “He has proved his worth to them. He and they have put aside any differences. He doesn’t go anywhere without me, but he could if he wanted to. Nothing bad has come of it.”
“That you know of,” Kellan countered.
“No,” Illinia said. “Nothing bad has happened.” Her face wrinkled up unhappily. “Except for this whole silly war.”
“The war’s not silly!” Mira cried. “It’s a fight for the survival of the elves! It’s either a glorious last stand or a righteous defence!”
“Hear!” called Siasara from further down the table, and the two women grinned at each other.
Illinia turned to see Torrigan watching her. “You’ve grown, I think,” he said, and she blushed, confused. “No, not in height… In mind.”
“So…”
The knight smiled a little. “If he is as you say, then my oaths will have no issue with laying aside my differences with him. And I’ll make sure Kellan does the same, won’t you, Kellan?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Kellan sulked into his bread, but Illinia thought she could see how the others had grown, too.
“What a bunch of roses and sunshine,” grunted Michael, pouring himself a cup of wine.