[SPOILERS FOR S7]
Okay so at this part of the show I was freaking out EVERYWHERE. Oh my god Shiro you stunning crazy human disaster. So proud of Space-Husband. Even if he decided to have a fist-fight on the exterior of a spaceship free-falling through atmospheric re-entry without a helmet.
I would like to thank [the sane side of] tumblr in general for writing thoughtful things about Shiro characterization, and Adam speculation, which helped make this chapter better.
Part 11: Captain Shirogane
After the introductions, Shiro took Iverson aside. “Is… Is Adam still mad at me? Is that why he’s not here?” He hadn’t expected Earth to arrive so soon, but the team had said something about a ‘magical teleporting nebula’ that had shortened their journey by about seventeen months. He had thought to have more time to consider what to say to his ex-fiancé. About their break-up. About what had happened to him. About Elslince.
Iverson hesitated, his gaze softening in compassion, and Shiro felt something heavy sink into his gut. “I’m sorry, Shiro. He died in the first attack.”
“No…” Of all the possibilities he’d considered… that hadn’t been one. Even after they’d heard Commander Holt’s recording. Oh god… Adam…
Iverson made a ‘come with me’ gesture. “There’s a memorial to everyone we lost that day. I’ll take you.”
The wall was large – much too large. And still he somehow found Adam within ten seconds of looking at it. The little picture was almost too much to bear: that handsome face, with the neat hair, the intellectual glasses, the professionally blank gaze of a soldier… He touched the plaque with his hand, fingers brushing over the tiny portrait. All that he was, all that he’d been… reduced to a small piece of bronze on a wall. He didn’t have to ask Iverson how he’d died. Adam had been a great fighter pilot. But a relatively slow, unshielded, poorly armed Earth fighter against a Galra beam weapon… he wouldn’t have stood a chance. There probably hadn’t even been a body to recover.
“Adam…” he whispered, voice quavering. “I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t fair. He’d been the one to leave, he’d given everything of himself to protect Earth and the universe, and Adam was gone anyway. But life wasn’t fair. War wasn’t fair. He had to swallow it and carry on. He knew the conflict ahead was going to demand everything he had yet again. Mentally, he was finally ready. Emotionally, now…
Elslince had followed him to the memorial, of course, lingering in the shadows at the edge of the hall respectfully. Giving him space to deal with this initial impact of grief in privacy.
He should tell her. He’d never mentioned Adam to her, hadn’t wanted to burden her with that particular baggage, hadn’t wanted to tell her so flat-out what a terrible long-term commitment he was. Breaking up with Adam had hurt too much. He’d tried not to even compare them in his mind – Adam was Adam, and Elslince was Elslince, and he loved them as much but differently.
And he wanted a reminder that he wasn’t alone, when one more piece of his past – his home – had been ripped from him. He turned to her and reached out, and she came running to him, wrapping her arms and hair about him. He buried his face in that hair and let out a long, half-controlled shuddering breath. “Thank you,” he mumbled.
“Who was he?” she asked softly.
He hesitated. “My ex-fiancé. I… I’m sorry I never told you about him before.”
“Would you tell me about him now?”
He took another deep breath. He’d never felt this close to tears in… forever. “Met him in middle school. You remember I said I used to have anger issues? That I used to be kind of like Keith?” He felt her nod. “Adam was what changed that for me. He was so serious, even back then. I didn’t like him at first – thought he was some kind of goody-two-shoes. It was the glasses, I guess. And then… we became friends. Him, and Matt Holt, and me – we were inseparable. He inspired me, supported me, even through my… issues.” Not time to bring up his disease. “He saw who I could be, him and Iverson, and he turned a blind eye when Matt and I were off being little shits. He pretended he disapproved, but he even joined us from time to time. No one could prove anything… we were all the top of our class, perfect record, everything. He really had a wicked sense of humour, scathing wit, and he didn’t hesitate to call bullshit when he saw it.”
It felt so wrong, using past tense about Adam. Even if he hadn’t seen him in two or three years. More, from Adam’s point of view. And now he’d been dead two years, while Shiro had been time travelling. He steeled himself and continued, words falling out awkwardly, yet unwilling to stop. “I asked him out when we graduated.” He had to smile, shakily, remembering how stunned Adam had been… remembering the beautiful smile he’d made when he’d said ‘yes’. “And he asked me to marry him three years later.”
“He sounds lovely,” Elslince murmured into his shoulder. “But…?”
“But I didn’t stop pushing myself, trying to do everything I could before… before I couldn’t, and at some point that bled over into pushing him away. It came to a head when I went on the Kerberos mission. He didn’t want me to go. I would have been years away from him, and by the time I came back… He wanted me to stay here, with him. And… as you know, I didn’t. If I hadn’t…”
He felt Elslince shift with unease in his embrace. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here – my planet probably wouldn’t be here. Voltron wouldn’t be here. And Zarkon would be here. Earth would be just one more subjugated planet, no matter how great warriors humans are.”
“Yeah… I know. But I… I thought I’d have a chance to at least apologize. To make things up to him. I don’t know how angry he would be at me, what he would feel about you – although once you got to know each other, I think you’d get along really well. But… I thought at least he’d be here to be angry at me.” There was no closure. There was nothing, just a planet-sized weight of grief and guilt and regret.
“I… I wish you’d told me of him before,” Elslince said. “I didn’t even know you were in love… although I guessed, because of your kind heart and handsome face, you must have had someone, right? I wouldn’t have wished him to be angry at you because of me…”
He shook his head. “Maybe he didn’t mean for it to be a permanent break-up… but it felt like it to me. And when I met you, I fell for you… because you’re amazing too. He wouldn’t have been angry at you. It’s all on me. I-I honestly don’t know why you’re still with me…”
“Stop being so self-effacing,” she said, and that was when he noticed she was crying into his uniform. “You think too little of yourself when it comes to other people. Let us love you, dammit.”
“I’m sorry,” he said awkwardly, and rested his cheek on the top of her head. “I’ve never actually been good with relationships.” His gaze fell back on Adam’s portrait. “I wonder if Sam got the chance to tell him I was alive.” Or if he’d gone to his death thinking Shiro was still dead. No, he must have guessed that if Sam could make it, so did Shiro.
“I bet he did,” Elslince said, sniffling her tears away. “And I know he was proud of you, although it sounds like he would have been exasperated too.”
“Yeah. You’re right. I can hear him now… ‘Takashi, you giant dork, getting kidnapped by aliens wasn’t enough? You had to fly a giant robot lion across the freaking universe, die, get cloned, put into a metaphysical state, and almost doom us all before you even thought about coming back to Earth?’” He shook his head. “Thank you for being here. I… It helps. It’s so sudden for me…”
“Whatever you need,” she said. “I’m here.”
He squeezed. “More than anything else, I wish you’d been able to meet him. Or many of the people here. I knew so many of them…”
“It’s because of them that Earth still has a chance,” Iverson said gently from behind them. “It’s time for our debriefing.”
He didn’t know when he’d started giving orders. Probably had slipped into it shortly after returning to the Garrison – at first, he’d just meant to add his weight to Sam and Iverson against Sanda. Sam had still been the one giving most of the actual commands… until now. But it had been habit, from leading Voltron and the Coalition of Free Planets, from having to take command, from having to convince frightened or argumentative or just plain stubborn allies to take necessary action. He’d been glad to be back in a proper military structure that he knew, so much he hadn’t realized he’d outgrown his old rank. And Sam and Iverson had let him, trusting him.
The Atlas had been loaded with all base personnel, her engines charging, the base above them under heavy attack. He’d automatically stood at the top of the bridge, instinct telling him he needed to know what was going on in case they needed his input. He’d known what to do, what to say – he’d virtually been trained for this moment.
Even so, he hadn’t realized it until Coran saluted him, confidently saying “Yes, Captain!”
He paused in surprise, casting his gaze around the rest of the bridge. All eyes were fixed on him, expectantly, trustingly. “The bridge is yours, Shiro,” Sam said.
“We could use an engineer,” he answered gratefully.
Sam saluted him, beaming with pride. “Yes, sir.”
Iverson on weapons. Veronica McClain on shields and subsystems. Sam in engineering. Coran at the helm. And down in medbay, accessible through the comm at his elbow, Elslince was safe, taking care of the civilians packed on board. The datascreens glimmered vibrantly before him. His new prosthetic arm hummed silently with Altean power, strong and comforting, Allura’s gift to him.
For the first time in a long time, everything just… clicked. He was ready to fight. And against Sendak, of all enemies…
It wouldn’t be easy. But Sendak wouldn’t know what hit him. They were going to save Voltron, save his young friends, and take him down permanently.
“Captain, the Galra fleet is directly over the launch pad.”
“MFE Squadron, we need you to clear a path. The Atlas is powered and ready for launch!”
It was ludicrous to launch a single human body powered only by jetpack into the sort of space armada battle normally only seen in blockbuster sci-fi movies. It was insane to try to hack an alien crystal with a robot arm. That part had hurt.
And it was definitely suicidal to have a fistfight on the upper hull of an alien warship, sans space-helmet, re-entering Earth’s atmosphere, plummeting in freefall rapidly towards the surface. It was a good thing the ship had enough ambient external atmosphere his lungs didn’t seize up.
He did it anyway. This might have topped all the other crazy things he’d done in his career, but Sendak needed to be Put Down and Stay Down. No more destroying Earth. No more destroying his friends. No more.
Until the massive ship crashed onto its side, and his last handhold was jarred loose, and he fell…
He was only out for a few minutes, but by the time he’d gotten his eyes open again, Sendak was up – barely. Shiro couldn’t move, could barely see straight, could barely feel his prosthetic arm let alone move it to block whatever attack was surely coming.
Something small, a Garrison shuttle maybe, plummeted through the atmosphere and skidded with a screech of metal to a stop not far away. He heard a door open and pounding footsteps, and a slim figure in medical garb appeared crouching over him protectively, green hair swirling though the wind had died down. “You won’t touch him,” Elslince said, and his blurry vision showed him she held a pistol pointed steadily at Sendak. A pistol!? Elslince had touched a gun? For him? Where had she gotten it?
Sendak didn’t even blink. “Victory… or death!” He raised his arm, the beam charging. Elslince flinched, hesitating.
The Black Lion appeared behind Sendak with a massive roar – and from its defiant jaws erupted a lean, howling creature, striking with his sword.
Sendak fell to the sand and lay still.
Elslince turned to him, dropping the gun, Keith ran to him, and together they pulled him to a sitting position. He gasped in pain, unable to focus clearly on either of them, but shocked that he hadn’t broken anything. For once he’d had the devil’s own luck. “Thank you.”
A shadow fell over them, and they looked up to see the other four Lions coming in. The other Paladins were cheering, he could hear them over Keith’s comm. Elslince was trying to get him to tell her how many fingers she was holding up, and he probably needed to answer, because the answer wasn’t as consolidated as he’d like, but the feeling of relief suffusing the entire planet was infectious. Keith pulled him to his feet, supporting him, Elslince boosting his other side-
Something was entering Earth’s atmosphere, and it wasn’t the burning remnant of a Galra ship. It was aimed at them, and friendly or not, it wasn’t slowing down.
“Paladins, brace for impact!” barked Keith. “Hunk, help us with Shiro!” Hunk’s yellow armour dashed up, and he felt strong hands pull him into a fireman’s carry. Even so, the shockwave of the object’s impact picked them all up, flinging them chaotically through the air. With a growl, the Yellow Lion caught them, flinging them safely into its cargo hold.
He was still dazed, trying to reorient himself, but Keith was off back to the Black Lion, Hunk was rushing to his own cockpit, the Yellow Lion was moving, commands were being given and received. Elslince crouched beside him, bracing him, and he clung weakly to her. He dimly registered when the Lion’s mouth opened again, and Hunk and El half-dragged him to what he assumed was the Atlas and a medical crew. He stumbled obediently through corridors until they dropped him into a hospital bed and El and the medic began checking him over. He took deep breaths at her instruction, trying to regain his focus, his centre.
The Atlas shook violently under what felt like a direct hit. And again. He shook his head. His vision was clearing, his limbs steadying. Whatever they’d done to him, it was enough he could get back up. He pushed the medic aside and hauled himself out of bed. “I need to get back.”
“But Commander,” began the medic.
Elslince stopped the medic with a gesture, helping Shiro up, pushing him to stand at his full height. Her smile was a little exasperated… mostly proud. So proud she was almost bursting, now that he was looking full at her. “Go, then. Do what only you can do.”
He nodded and hurried off, jogging at first, then flat out sprinting as he recovered his legs. Adrenaline was part of what was keeping him going, he knew, and he was going to pay for it later. But he was up, he was ready to fight again, and he’d make sure there was a later.
Elslince had only personally seen and experienced some of the weirder stuff that the rest of Team Voltron had in their journey through the universe. But she thought that the medbay suddenly gaining a mind of its own and completely changing shape – and from Shiro’s order “Hold tight”, the rest of the ship too – had to rank pretty highly on the ‘weird things’ list, whether or not she’d actively been on Oriande, or the astral plane, or been shrunk to the size of a space-mouse.
The wolf whined and shivered under her desk next to her plants, and she reached down to pat him comfortingly. She had no idea what was going on. But she knew Shiro and Voltron would fix it.
In the meantime, there were already coming in reports of twisted ankles and cracked wrists from the brief gravity realignment. She’d do her part to the full.